The key? Believe the victim first, then work from there
On Tuesday, Cheryl Yeoh published a blog post that accused 500 Startups Co-founder Dave McClure of sexual assault stemming from an incident three years ago in her apartment.
The post has triggered a significant period of introspection within the Southeast Asian startup community, and has prompted explanations as to why this is a problem, as well as analysis as to the how our region can learn and grow.
But what about the woman who started the process? How did she react and, more importantly, how did the community react to her?
In an interview with e27, Cheryl Yeoh gives insight into her perspective into the world of tech, sexual harassment, and being a woman in this industry.
The following email interview is unedited for the sake of transparency.
Was the reaction instant? Or did it take some time for people to realise what was being said?
I was so afraid to click publish that I had to use my husband’s finger to do it for me. I didn’t do anything promote the post other than the auto-tweet.
After a few influential people on Twitter and FB reposted the article, I pretty much saw doubling views by the minute. The reaction was instant – people got the message immediately.
How has the reaction been overall?
The reaction has been overwhelmingly supportive. Although sad, it’s really encouraging to see that the recent onslaught of sexual harassment cases in Silicon Valley have been brought to light and sparking discourse everywhere.
It’s important because this has been a taboo topic for a long time, but clearly happens a lot more than you think
This time, it seems like people are finally taking it seriously. I have received countless emails and messages from people who are now drafting or reviewing their internal sexual harassment policies to make sure there’s a safer way for victims to report.
Have you come under criticism and how did you handle that?
Of course there’s the usual internet trolls who defend the offender, some who are clearly irrational in their response and others who question why I didn’t report the incident three years ago.
I don’t look into them too much or reply to trolls. They don’t empathise with victims because they’ve never experienced sexual harassment or abuse of power before, or they’re too quick to judge, which is why so many people end up never reporting it.
It was never my intention to ever publish something like this, but after hearing that so many others were affected, I felt that it was my responsibility to share my story so that he couldn’t do it to other women again.
I’m in a much better and more secure position today than I was 2-3 years ago. I’m not running a startup or a public company, I’m married to a supportive husband, and I don’t have any material threats holding me back from reporting this.
At the time, I did not have the emotional capacity to deal with it. Also, I couldn’t be sure that I wasn’t an isolated case then; whether he’d done this to others. But now I know that he has.
I consider myself lucky that I managed to defend myself and wasn’t emotionally or physically hurt. So I’m fine.
Unfortunately, after my post, I’ve heard from other women whom he got further with, and because worse has happened to them, they’re too emotional affected to go on record now. On the bright side, they’re finally taking up the courage to report the incident.
It’s not easy for women to report incidents like these, and everyone is in a very different personal situation.
I can only hope that the skeptics be more empathic to those affected.
Why did you choose your personal blog instead, say, a reporter?
Because this was such a highly sensitive and shocking story, if I shared it with a reporter, there are risks of it being tweaked or sensationalised.
I figured I would have more control of my narrative if I published on my own platform, especially when I have to give a very detailed account of what happened that night, which was painful to relive.
I also wanted to suggest proactive steps to solve the problem, so that the focus isn’t just on what happened.
The different degrees of sexual harassment isn’t clearly defined in most policies, which makes it tougher for the victim to report since the penalty is the same for all levels of harassment.
I’m glad to see that this is now changing, and we’re learning that because it’s so prevalent in the venture capital world, we need to redefine sexual harassment policies and training. More importantly but a lot tougher to do, we need to change the existing culture that feeds and buries it.
[Hard question, have to ask] Have you heard from Dave since publishing?
In my post, I suggested that if possible, the victim should write a full account of what happened and send it to the perpetrator to make sure he’s aware of his level of inappropriateness and the victim’s full disapproval of it (this applies to the opposite gender).
I wanted to practise what I preached, and sent him a full account of the night and told him what a terrible position he put me in. This was a day before I published. He replied admitting to what he had done and told me he felt ashamed by it, and finally apologised for it.
I haven’t heard from Dave after publishing the post.
[Hard question, have to ask] Do you think this behaviour is common everywhere? Or is it particularly worse in Silicon Valley?
This behaviour is everywhere, not just in Silicon Valley but Asia as well, and probably countries with higher power distance.
It’s also not exclusively in tech, but I’ve heard similar stories in finance, media, fashion, entertainment, etc.
It probably seems more apparent in tech just because tech people are a lot more vocal and there are a lot more social and media platforms to call out bad behaviour. For example, you don’t see many media publications solely focused on say … the finance industry (are finance people even on Twitter?).
Wall Street company culture isn’t as frequently discussed as in tech. In the same vein, I hope that tech can lead change on the same issues in other industries as well.
What are some steps we can take in Asia to improve our own ecosystem out here?
To be aware that this exists in Asia as well, and take the same proactive steps that Silicon Valley is taking to bring more awareness and discussion on this topic, and to find solutions to fix the problem.
Similar action steps I outlined in my post could used as a template to be applied in Asia as well, but localised to each country’s specific culture and values.
What are the biggest obstacles we have to overcome?
Victim-blaming.
In many existing companies, when an incident is reported, HR’s first response is to start from a place of disbelief and request for evidence.
If you’re investigating a sexual harassment case within your company, your duty is to protect your employees. You should start by believing her (or him) and collect an account on what happened as a data point. If the offender has received multiple complaints from multiple people, it’s clear that the company will have to take action.
The second biggest obstacle is when the woman keeps quiet and feels like she can’t report it. Then the sexual harassment continues as it emboldens the perpetrator.
If the first part of changing the behaviour of reporting works, it’s my hope that people will eventually feel safer to report such incidents.
You wrote that you were ‘shaking’ when writing the article. What is your feeling now, after you’ve had some time since publishing?
I’m relieved I did it and have some closure. I feel like I didn’t do it for myself as much as I did it for all the other women (and men) out there who suffered similar or worse situations, yet still couldn’t speak up about it.
Hopefully, we will start to change the narrative and make it safer for more people to report these incidents so that they too can get their closure one day.
What can men do better?
Learn the boundaries between personal and professional interactions and always ask for explicit consent if you’re not sure. Be aware that these things happen to women a lot more than they think.
Watch for signs that someone may be abusing their power or be abused, try to do something about it. Men can also look out for other women.
Did I miss anything important you would like to say because of poor questioning?
Women should also be cautious and take responsibility if their actions truly led to the situation. Keep your reporting integrity high and do not abuse it.
Learn how to identify the different nuances of sexual harassment and immediately make sure the offender knows that you don’t approve of it.
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The post We need to change the way we talk about sexual harassment, an interview with Cheryl Yeoh appeared first on e27.